i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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