I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
