You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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