i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There are leaves in my underwear?
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