ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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