so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
