I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"