Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...