nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.