He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
