I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize