you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
