i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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