He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
