oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize