She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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