He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize