I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
