Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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