her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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