Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
