So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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