I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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