If i come over, it means nothing
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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