So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
