Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
