I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
