The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
