Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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