Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
