I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
