Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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