He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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