She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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