I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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