I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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