you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
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That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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