why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
