Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
