At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
