I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
