my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
