i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
