she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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