she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
