So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
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I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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