I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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