I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
