So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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