Ambien. No doubt about it.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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