who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
