It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
