i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
