Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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