You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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