I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
