I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
