The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the day after is always just damage control
it's like heaven, but drunker
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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