i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
