There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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