How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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