i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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