I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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