I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
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For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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